I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize