You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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