I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
