I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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