I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
