1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
