Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
