wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
