I'm going to jail i love you
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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