plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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