my sisters under your porch take her home
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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