question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
