I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
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I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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