he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
