Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
