as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You know, be my cock's hype man.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
