I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
