If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
