This girl is more easily done than said...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
