There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
