you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The feeling are messing with the penis
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
