I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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