I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
