there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
