and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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