Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
