I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
