currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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