i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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