Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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