2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
