Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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