the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
