The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
