Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
