I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
