She's JV to your varsity
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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