there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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