Me too!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
me + whiskey = a bad person
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
