where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
