he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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