Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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