Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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