hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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