Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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