I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
