My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
you made out with another girl for some wings
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
