D3 body, D1 cock
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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