I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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