dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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