Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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