there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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