I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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