Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
