Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
