I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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