I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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