you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
