i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.