Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.