Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body