no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
