where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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