All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
