is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
