You just made me feel so damn special
Small penises have feelings too.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
