Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
