do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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