I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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