I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
