I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
