lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
