apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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