Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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