I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
