so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
