I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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