We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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